thankful

i am always amazed and so thankful at how god provides for our needs and keeps us lacking in nothing. we’ve reached a point of major needs, for LOTS of crazy details that all relate to one another to work out…and they have. i don’t doubt that god will continue to provide, but we will still be in continued prayer and need for prayer and provision and comfort especially over the next 2+ years.

• jen got into grad school…awesome! she’ll get a masters in counseling…absolutely perfect for her and we’ll both have jobs that suit god’s will for our lives as individuals and a couple.
• we got into cheap on-campus housing…and one of the few apartments that allow dogs on campus too. this is amazing b/c if we didn’t get in there, we honestly wouldn’t be able to afford to live.
• i got a job. with only 2 icu positions in the entire metro area posted as hiring, i applied for those two and i ended up with FIVE, yes FIVE interviews at 4 different hospitals. that’s unheard of, and especially in an economy where hospitals just aren’t hiring well right now(the term “nursing shortage” means nothing in relationship to available jobs.  i got offered and took an intense cvicu position very similar to where i’m at now and the manager actually told me before, during, and after the interview…”we don’t actually have a position available, but i wanted to interview you, and let’s just say, if you really impress us and we like you, we’ll make a position available somehow”. this is crazy amazing. a more than perfect job in the most intense icu in the city…completely created by god for us. if i didn’t get a good job…we couldn’t do it. the hospital is only 2-3 miles down the road, basically same street we”ll live off of.
• we’re having a baby. and in perfect timing. jen will be finishing up with the fall semester and will have the christmas break off to get to know our new little friend.
• somehow….SOMEHOW…my not-so-large income comes to the EXACT amount that our fixed bills, gas, and some groceries add up to. this is awesome and encouraging. it’s going to be amazingly tough, because in reality it’ll be a huge stretch and there will be weeks when we don’t have enough, but somehow it’ll work out, we know it will.
• what else…OH YES… my parents, in an amazing and compassionate realization of need have bought jen a new laptop for grad school. our desktop wasn’t going to cut it, and our wonderful friends had let us borrow there’s but it wasn’t quite going to work out as easily as jen needs for grad school. my mom, being a current college student right now (awesome), knows the need, and they’ve already blessed us hugely. we’re very thankful and this will help make life soo much easier for jen.

ok…i’ve got food at home so i’m going to go there and eat. these are a few of the things we’re thankful for right now and proof of god’s constant provision for us.

annoyed

because of my natural tendency toward procrastination and lack or understanding of time and date (i.e. the fact that something is coming up in a day or two versus several weeks away), i have missed out out death cab for cutie tickets that i had planned to buy. and now am forced into simply not being able to go b/c i can’t afford the scalped tickets prices, ugh. i’m really annoyed about this and tired of the fact that i always do this. i remember to buy something and then think that it’s still a long ways away, and then i forget about it for a while, and then when i remember, it’s too late.

because i’m scared of having to pay $$ to the irs for taxes i’ve waited until the last minute to submit my taxes, and naturally because EVERYTHING detail related like this sort of thing doesn’t work out well, there’s a crazy unheard of problem where our name and ss#’s and birthdates don’t match somehow according to the irs. this is complete crap of course b/c nothing has ever changed in this regard and we submitted last year with the exact same info and had no issues. of course this would mess up. this is the kind of detailed stuff that my personality isn’t good with, so, naturally, something gets messed up. ugh.

i annoy myself often. i’m constantly amazed that things ever work out as they should when detailed things are required. luckily i have a wife that can take care of some things that i’m incapable of on a regular basis.

crap, did i send money to the account for my car payment, i forget if i did that or not. i remember remembering it at one point a few weeks ago while at work though. i hope i remembered some other time.

i hope jen reminds me when we’re supposed to go to florida to visit the family. i don’t allow myself to buy tickets of any sort anymore after making a flight reservation once for the wrong month, only to find out as i showed up to the airport 30 minutes before my flight that i wasn’t scheduled to fly for another month. that was a very expensive mistake costing well over $1k to fix…so, i don’t make reservations without having someone else watch me do it, or having someone else do it altogether.

wish i could go to that death cab concert. it’s ok, mates of state ad the black kids are playing next week, i should just try to make iot to that one instead.

i have to try to talk to the irs tommorrow morning, ugh.

what else? i don’t remember.

update blog…check!

jen tells me i haven’t updated my blog recently so i should do that now. here it is.

i guess a LOT has gone on in the last week or two. i’ll start out with a list:

1. got jen pregnant. yep, i did! we “pulled the goalie” 2-3 months ago with plans to see what happens. well, pregnancy happened! who would’ve thought? we’re definitely excited, and it was very planned of course so no reason to question whether it was wanted or not.  god is revealing his plan for us in force, as he usually does.
2. …about 30 minutes later(after finding out we were in fact pregnant) jen got an email/letter saying she is accepted to graduate school at southwestern seminary! she’s going to grad school! this is so awesome for her. she’ll get a master’s in counseling, an area that her entire personality/soul is gifted toward. there are several things that she and i are individually gifted toward by god and this fits perfectly for her. it’s going to be amazing. i’m so happy for her and proud. it’ll be the first ever master’s degree in my family! (i got lucky enough to be our first ever bachelor’s degree)
3. i am now going to have to find a job in fort worth texas, move us there sometime in august, and rely on god entirely to provide us monthly with the financial needs that we’ll have due to trying to live off just my income and having a baby and paying for grad school at the same time. (and just so everyone knows and the misconception is cleared up, nurses do NOT make as much money as everyone things they do. i have told several friends what we make and they have been COMPLETELY off in their understanding of what a nurses salary tends to be. let’s just say it’s a good second income, not the best first or only income. i am wholely blessed and living out god’s will for me none-the-less)
4. i’ve learned a good 4 or 5 new songs on the guitar. yes my obsession continues. i’ve added; iron & wine ‘lion’s mane’, sufjan steven’s ‘romulus’ and ‘chicago’, as well as figured out belle & sebastian’s ‘fox in the snow’ the other night. youtube is amazing for learning. (of course jimmie helps a LOT on the teaching/technical side of things of course) i’m also getting pretty insanely good with quite a few fingerpicking styles. i might be blessed in the coming weeks to have a borrowed electric guitar available to me, so that’ll be awesome too if it works out.
5. it’s sunday night and i’m bored. as usual. we already ate out with some friends for lunch so i won’t let myself go out and spend any money tonight for something to do. there’s not a lot to do outside your apartment that doesn’t involve spending some amount of cash.
6. we’re pregnant! oh wait, already mentioned that.
7. jen’s going to grad school! oh wait, nope, already mentioned that.
8. i’m pretty sure that’s about it i guess beyond our usual weekly stuff like community group (our study is going REALLY well), hanging out w/ the friends, work, church services, hanging out w/ jen, etc.

it’s a good life.

it’s 5am

it’s 5am this morning, i’ve just had to call in sick for work. i hate that. i don’t necessarily like having to go to work but i definitely hate when i have to call in and miss a day. it doesn’t sit well with my personality.

anyways, i’m sick. my head cold from 4-5 days ago has since gone through a typical progression, moving slowly down my airway as my body fights it and this morning has begun to settle near my lungs. i haven’t had a cold with an actual cough since i was a kid i don’t think. they usually limit themselves pretty well in my body. but, today is an exception. i started getting some intermittent coughing and such yesterday but today is a different story. i’m still achey all over, my throat/neck hurts, and coughing all the time sucks. but, what can i do? well, i can sit here awake at 5am on the computer because i couldn’t get back to sleep when i woke up at 4:15. i guess that’s what i can do and then maybe see if i can fall asleep a little later and get some rest today.

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the most annoying/weird thing is that even though i’m sick and don’t feel well, and it’s 5am so i should be tired; the first thought in my head is still that i want to go pick up my guitar and play and work on some stuff on it. gregg’s obsessive head is crazy. even when i’m sick i can’t stop thinking about whatever it is i’m obsessed with at the moment.

mathew 27: 37-54

i read through this passage randomly the other night. it’s a passage on christ’s death on the cross and the crowd mocking him as he fulfilled God’s plan for reconciliation of his people to him. at that point, christ took on our sin as his own and died (only to rise 3 days later in defeat of death). christ cried aloud and passed away, and everyone immediately knew that something horrible had been done. the temple veil was torn and the earth literally sh0ok underneath them, and rocks were split in two. fear immediately struck the hearts of everyone near him, and the guards of his body said what everyone finally began thinking because of their fear, “surely he was the son of god!”

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mathew 27: 37-54

this is jesus, king of jews

nailed with robbers, your life to lose.

save yourself! you’re the son of god,

you saved the others, now can’t you save yourself?

 

he is the king of israel, so let him come on down

if he trusts in god, let Him rescue now.

if God delights in him, says he’s the son of mine

surely he’ll free his body, save him from this life.

 

my god! my god! why have you forsaken me?

my god! my god! why have you forgotten me?

my god! my god! why have you forsaken me?

my god! my god! why have you forgotten me?

 

his spirit yielded with a cry aloud

the temple veil was torn, the earth was shattered ground.

truly this was him, the only son of God!

his death lies in our hands, it was all our fault.

 

my god! my god! why have we forsaken thee?

my god! my god! why were we not listening?

my god! my god! why have we forsaken thee?

my god! my god! why were we not listening?

15…means you’re ready to tour right??

here’s the song list so far. it looks like i’m up to 15 songs now since i’ve started. i’ve been working on the guitar for the last 2 months and it’s been coming along pretty quickly and enjoyably.

here’s what i play, and play well, so far:

sufjan stevens: to be alone with you

innocence mission: the lakes of canada

iron and wine: passing afternoon (strum and finger-picking)

feist: the park (bon iver version)

wilco: reservations

the shins: new slang

barry louis polisar: all i want is you (juno soundtrack)

jack johnson: all at once

hillsong: from the inside out

delirious: my soul sings

chris tomlin(blue tree): god of this city

hillsong: mighty to save

passion(kristian stanfill): jesus paid it all (strum and finger-picking)

coldplay: the scientist

john newton: amazing grace

 

… more to come

i got them ALL right ;)

jen did a wonderful rendition of me in question form on her blog, so i might as well see if i can do one of her as well. she answered questions about me, and amazingly got everyone right even down to the diet coke if i need some caffeine at dinner. it made me laugh. here’s my attempt to answer questions on her. i guarantee i will not do as well

1. she’s sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen? pretty much anything. local news, friends, the bachelor, the biggest loser, the office, 90210, desperate housewives, ellen, tyra…luckily we don’t have cable or the number would skyrocket.

2. You’re out to eat; what kind of dressing does she get on her salad? light italian on the side

3.What’s one food she doesn’t like? hmm…sushi, fish

4. You go out to eat. What drink does she order? diet coke, or water to save the money

5.Where did she go to high school? good ‘ole palacios high school

6. What size shoe does she wear? 6-6.5, i just recently bought her sweet new shoes so i know.

7. If she were to collect anything, what would it be? cupcakes

8.What is her favorite type of sandwich? hmm…turkey i guess. there’s no special standout here i don’t think.

9.What would she eat every day if he could? ice cream, cupcakes, cake, cookies, brownies

10.What is her favorite cereal? special k?

11.What would she never wear? a belt evidently

12.What is her favorite sports team? whatever sports team is not playing, and therefore not wasting time for other shows on the tv

13.Who did she vote for? i would imagine McPalin, but i don’t remember if she made it to vote.

14.Who is her best friend? me and jamie

15.What is something you do that she wishes you wouldn’t do? i don’t know. i probably should though

16.What is her heritage? i don’t even know what this means. in my head it comes up as some sort of long term wealth question, and we’re never going to make much money so that’s a no. next.

17.You bake her a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake? 

chocolate mint cake   

…the top layer later slid off the bottom layer due to several inches of yummy icing in between. it was actually a really tasty cake.

18.Did she play sports in high school?  HA!

19.What could she spend hours doing? reading or sleeping

20.What is one unique talent she has? she bakes things amazingly and easily. she’s also wonderfully compassionate and extremely sacrificial of herself toward and for others.

business as it should be!

for those who know me, you probably get that i am not a fan of “business”, i am not a fan of our belief that working at something that at its core isn’t god-honoring or directly meeting needs of people in need is ok. i know that i may step on my friend’s toes in this area and probably often do in conversation, and i do apologize for that, but i can’t apologize for what god has called me to in life and the vision he has given. the truth in any business whether large or small, friendly or not, is that profit has to be the over-arching goal, money, is what is sought after. many companies work to make their business float, and decide to do something good for the community on the side, and often with subtle advertising pruposes built in; this is almost correct, but the heart is still flipped backward. call me a tree-hugging democrat in this area if you want, call me a socialist in this regard as well, i’m fine with that, i know i’m neither, but my example is that of jesus christ, sent by a god who set in motion what our life is about; our goal is to glorify god by modeling christ’s life and death, his teaching and commands. those teachings aren’t for profit and wealth in any way, they’re for love and sacrifice for our god and our fellow man, for sharing saving knowledge and growing others in this way. i’ve been blessed so far in life that i’ve never really had to work in something of that nature, and although the medical field is obviously a major business, you can work in it and bless others through it while being an at-large professional that is completely unrelated to money-making strategy and purpose. you can do it with your sole purpose being to sacrficie and love others no matter what. both jen and i intend, because of our heart and passion since we were children, because of how we were raised, to never have to work at a place where profit and growth is at its heart rather than sacrificing to meet the needs of and love others. we won’t do it. i won’t understand it, and i would definitely have motivation issues regarding it.

now, as far as “business” goes…THIS is the kind of company that seems to get it right.

this is “Toms” shoe company. great shoes, for a singular purpose. started because of a need for shoes, and not just a certain percentage of “profit” goes to charity or relief. the purchase is met, one-to-one. if you buy one, they give one. not a percentage in cash, or a quarter of a shoe for each pair purchased, or a half; one bought is one directly given. that is the kind-of business that i would run friends.

http://www.tomsshoes.com

seize

tonight, my soul sings an anxious song.

for some time now i’ve had this huge internal drive and desire, a desire to not waste any moment, and to not let tomorrow come. i wake up in the morning on my days off, typically around 7ish, and immediately have the desire to seize the day, to impact and accomplish, to make the most of the day. this thought is also simultaneously paired with an acute desire to stave of the coming of tommorrow. i immediately see the coming day as a stormy cloudbank that is steadily pressing onward to cut down the current day. i actually think to myself that i want to do something to pause today so that tommorrow won’t get here so soon. i find myself thinking this within minutes of waking, at that time when you’re normally focused on what today brings, not what awaits tommorrw. on workdays i find myself thinking by the early afternoon that i want to do something big when i leave, rather than head home because my body needs rest after standing and working for 12-13 hours, i want to go somewhere and do something to occupy myself, to fill my night and hold off the coming night of sleep, and most importantly hold off the coming of the next day. i don’t want to waste a moment. i really don’t know where this feeling has come from, but it’s been pretty intense lately. internally i have such a passion for doing and creating and learning great things so as to not waste a moment of my day, a moment of my life. the frustrating truth is, when i get excited internally and burning with want for impact and action, i paralyze myself. my mind can’t handle too many thoughts rushing at once, this huge pressing desire, and when i move, i simply move to nothing, move to confusion, move to wastefulness; the focus and passion is great and broad, but unable to be directed and narrowed. this is a daily theme in my head and always has been, excited and passionate about so much, to the point of inaction and inability to move. this desire to not waste the day, to stave off the coming of tommorr0w, is real, it’s become very physical for me. i hold up my mental desire each day and have it crushed with speed by the coming of the next, by the tiredness of the day’s events that lead me to waste an evening, by the lack of ability to focus my attention, and by the struggle to keep focus and interest on what i currently am involved in. i long to not have my days wasted. i pray for the next day not to come. i want to live, i want to savor, i want to enjoy, i want to impact, i want to wholly feel and fulfill what god has given me in this life. i don’t want it to end, i don’t want it to move on. i want to seize.

the night is here. i long not to sleep, to give in to the end of today. i don’t want to accept that it’s gone. i want tommorrow to last forever, and to not waste it when it inevitably comes in just a short time from now.

i want to live for and praise the author and sustainer of my anxious soul.

all at once

i was reading a brief interview with denison witmer by ‘american songwriter’ earlier and was struck by an awesome little story he gave. he hadn’t produced an album in a few years and said he had planned to put out his new one earlier but some things kept him from doing it. when asked what, he said “a good friend of mine was sick with cancer and I was in a position where I didn’t really have to be anywhere. I had some savings, so, I moved in with them and helped take care through chemo and radiation, trips to the hospital… just being around the house”.  that my friends, is awesome. i LOVE the compassion and willingness to be a friend in a real and meaning way.

here’s the interview for those musician’s out there denison interview

things have been good lately, much of the usual. work, church, community group and friends, jen, playing guitar. it’s been good. not much on the blog. picked up another couple of songs in the past few days, ‘my soul sings’ is today’s newest i worked out ealier today. learning some sweet finger-picking skills and more lately so it’s been good. i even figured out the opening arrangement and first sections for jack johnson’s ‘all at once’ within about an hour the other day, after jimmie gave me the confidence through learning a sweet section on ‘good people’. i am SOOO addicted to learning guitar and playing music lately it’s insane. i’m picking it up pretty fast and it’s fun for sure.

went to a show friday night at antone’s, jen’s brother came into town to see a band so we took him. i always forget how much i LOVE live shows in small venues. ‘missy higgins’ was the headline, never heard of her, but it ended up being a sweet show and brother was happy he got to come to austin for a show and take his friend out. went to kerbey lane afterward and got some wonderful sweet-potato fries for dessert @ 1am, nice. ‘mates of state’ are playing with ‘the black kids’ in april and i’m hoping to get to go, it’ll be a sweet show.